


The Way Back Home

by littlepurinsesu



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - La danse macabre (IDOLiSH7), Bittersweet Ending, Closure, Hurt/Comfort, La danse macabre, Light Angst, M/M, Mending Relationships, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29261640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlepurinsesu/pseuds/littlepurinsesu
Summary: When death finally opened its arms to Kabane, he expected to be overjoyed. It was a relief and freedom he had craved for the past thousand regretful years. But a new kind of regret pulled heavily at his final breaths, because there were still things he wanted to say, things he needed to say.Luckily, though, Kuon was right there to listen.
Relationships: Izumi Iori/Nanase Riku, Kabane/Kuon (IDOLiSH7)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	The Way Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> Kabane's death scene in La Danse Macabre's first ending was cut off a little too quickly for my liking. I was also caught between being devastated that he never got to speak to Kuon (and Konoe) again and loving that bittersweet "if only" conclusion they got. So I figured this would be a way to explore more of these possibilities while still managing to keep the emotional weight of both. Hopefully.
> 
> First fic in over two years lmao Kabane and Kuon were powerful enough to draw me out of the "writing drought" that Thesis Hell left me in.  
> This is also the most "experimental" fic I've ever tried to write, and while it was a lot of hard work, I really enjoyed this challenge!

The first flicker of light illuminated his body without warning. He was so caught off-guard that he allowed an uncharacteristic “oh” to escape his lips as the light faded as quickly as it had come.

‘Kabane!?’

Arme’s exclamation sounded distant as Kabane lifted his hands to examine them, trying to clear his head from the sudden onslaught of haziness. ‘What… what is this? Has death… come back to me?’

‘Are you dying, Kabane?’

Kabane didn’t flinch this time when his body was illuminated again briefly—a soft, warm glow, pulsing gently like the calm rhythm of a very slow heart. Finally, he removed his gaze from his hands and looked directly into Arme’s widened eyes. ‘… Looks like it.’

Was it relief? Excitement? Or perhaps fear? Kabane couldn’t quite place his finger on the multitude of emotions knotting in his mind, but that cold sensation rushing down his spine had to mean _something_.

‘I’m going to be very lonely,’ said Arme. ‘I know it was my assumption all along, but I really thought I’d be staying with you guys.’

An image flashed in Kabane’s mind: Konoe’s big gestures from outside the window as he demonstrated to the two past tenshi the farming skills he had acquired over the past thousand years, and Kabane himself sitting at the table with Libel, conversing peacefully over a cup of coffee in their warm, fire-lit living room. This thought alone almost made him feel slightly _happy_ for the first time in a millennium, and Kabane even felt sorry that his imminent departure was going to shatter the fantasy.

‘I thought so, too.’

He wasn’t sure what his expression disclosed about the scenarios playing out in his mind, but Arme’s next words came out slowly and almost carefully. ‘Should I say… congratulations? Or should I say… you worked really hard?’

Before he could stop himself, Kabane let out a chuckle at Arme’s dazed expression. ‘How should we say it, huh?’

‘You aren’t afraid of dying?’

‘I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid,’ Kabane admitted. ‘I finally understand now… People are afraid of death because there are still things they wish to do.’ He paused and shifted his gaze away from Arme to look out the window behind him instead. There was something so untarnished and candid about Arme’s eyes, and it made Kabane feel naked and vulnerable. ‘I wanted to say some final things to Kuon and Konoe at the last moment,’ he admitted. ‘There’s still so much I haven’t said to them. Things I want to apologise to them for, things I want to thank them for. There’s still so much… so much…’ And when he finished his confession and redirected his eyes to Arme again, he was sure that the remorseful expression on the young boy’s face must be fully mirrored on his own right now. ‘I really am a fool, huh… We had so much time.’

A fool he was indeed. Regret had long since become one of Kabane’s closest companions, yet even as the mist began slowly descending over his mind, he felt this familiar feeling of regret taking on a new form. Once accompanied by a bitter refusal to even be in the same room as the person most special to him, now all Kabane wanted was to see this person one last time.

Arme must have said something, but Kabane was no longer with him in Eternea’s icy room. Tangled within the deep recesses of his own mind, he found himself staring into Kuon’s fiery red eyes instead. _‘Now go and help them, Kabane! And please, be careful!’_

Ah, yes. The hasty exchange they shared before his departure from their underground home will now be their final moment together. The remorse weighed down on his chest and he felt heavy with guilt, yet reliving this final moment in his mind right before welcoming death didn’t seem like a bad idea to Kabane, so he allowed his mind to wander free.

The flame in the ancient fireplace was flickering away as usual, and the air was still sweet with the lingering aroma of Konoe’s signature soup from earlier that evening. As though it were an old tape on replay, Kabane heard the cynical laugh once more, from none other than himself mere hours ago when this moment had been his present. _‘Why? What could possibly go wrong? I get killed and actually die?’_

Despite the small giggle that escaped Kuon’s lips, Kabane only just now realised how embarrassing his failed joke had been. After all, it had been… centuries, perhaps, since he’d last taken a good crack at humour. Laughter had been a friend with whom he’d long lost contact, after all.

The red-haired man was standing before him, and despite the brave and determined look in his eyes, one of his hands was perpetually clasped on his other arm the way it always was whenever he entered the same room as Kabane. Like he was afraid or ashamed of something. When did he pick up this habit? Kabane felt disgrace tugging at his heart for the fact that he never noticed. It had been a long time since he’d taken a good look at the man he had saved and then come to despise.

 _‘Kabane…’_ His voice was soft as usual, so tender that his sentences always sounded like a lullaby. Kabane briefly recalled the number of times he had drifted to sleep somewhere in the cold wild, unintentionally lulled into a peaceful slumber by this very voice as they chatted idly about the adventures they would have together once they were free from the tenshi’s curse.

_‘Kabane, I’m so happy for you.’_

It was also that consistently docile tone in Kuon’s voice that reminded Kabane, time and time again, that he himself had been the one to make this choice over a thousand years ago. All of this had been Kabane’s decision alone, not Kuon’s, and certainly not Konoe’s.

He hated himself for his reckless heroism and foolish sense of justice, and he hated himself for playing saviour and dooming them all to this never-ending labyrinth of existence, bound to their timeless little bubble as the world outside moved on and left them in its shadows. And each time he caught a glimpse of the sadness in Kuon’s eyes, he felt his heart, once ablaze with the flames of gallantry, being gnawed away by regret and resentment. And he hated himself even more.

Such a wretched human he had become, with not a glimmer in sight of the noble saviour he once was. Why had Kuon been happy for him in this moment?

_‘Why—’_

_‘This,’_ Kuon’s firm yet soothing words cut him off as he reached forward, gingerly taking Kabane’s hands in his own and holding them loosely, _‘this is who you really are, is it not? Selfless, righteous, caring, giving… a true hero. You were my hero alone, Kabane, but now you’ll become a hero to them, too. Arme, Libel, and all their friends…’_ Kuon’s grip tightened, strong and encouraging. _‘It’s been a long journey for the three of us, and no matter how far your heart has strayed and how many times you had to recalibrate your compass during this time, you’ve returned to your original place now. You’ve been a wanderer for so long, and now the light of the stars has shown you the way back home. This is who you are, Kabane. You’ve found yourself again, and I’m so happy for you.’_

Kuon’s eyes always had a glassy, pensive gleam to them ever since the torment of eternity began to wear Kabane down and eventually bring him to evade contact with him altogether. This sudden boldness made it difficult for Kabane to continue looking into them. It was new and refreshing, yet nostalgic all at once, reminding Kabane of all the times in the distant past when Kuon’s eyes had taken on this same fiery quality—before his own bitter regret and anger had forced the past tenshi to become quiet and contrite around him all the time.

Yet seeing the way Kuon was looking at him adoringly with the same eyes as long before almost made Kabane believe—for even just a brief shameless moment—that he had once again become the righteous, justice-driven hero of the past. But he couldn’t be; Kabane had crossed the threshold long ago, and the despair that had piled up in his heart and worn down his mind over the centuries had twisted him beyond redemption. He was nothing but a walking corpse now, a mere shadow of the honourable king he used to be. But if his decision to believe in Arme and Libel and aid them on their journey could bring Kuon to look at him like this once more, then perhaps he wasn’t beyond hope after all.

 _‘I’ll return as soon as possible,’_ he heard himself promise. _‘Please wait for me. I… want to talk to you when I’m back. Properly.’_

If he had known that he would never be seeing Kuon ever again, would he have relayed his apologies and thanks in that moment? Maybe. Quite likely. Yes. Yet Kabane knew better than anyone else that the past could not be undone. If such were possible, perhaps he’d have been the first to jump at such an opportunity all those years ago. He could only turn towards their infinite future, yet soon there would be no more future for them, and taking endless time for granted had been his biggest mistake.

 _‘Yes, of course, we have all the time in the world, after all,’_ Kuon assured him. Fools, both of them were. But how could they have known? _‘I’ll be waiting for you, Kabane. Please come back safely!’_

_‘You say it like there’s a chance I could come back in any other condition.’_

Kuon laughed again despite Kabane’s second terrible attempt at a joke. It was the same light, melodic sound, and Kabane had forgotten how much strength and courage it filled his heart with each time he heard it. He even felt the perpetual frown on his face soften. _‘Kuon…’_

Kuon.

The word itself felt foreign, and when he uttered them his voice didn’t even sound like his own anymore. The love and conviction from over a thousand years ago when he called this very name were long gone, yet the bitter resentment that flooded his body each time he said it in passing to Konoe over the past few centuries had melted away, too.

The word itself communicated absolutely nothing, yet somehow, it communicated absolutely everything for now.

 _‘I thought I’d never hear you say my name again… Thank you, Kabane. Thank you for finding me, thank you for saving me, and thank you for calling my name even now.’_ The glimmer in Kuon’s eyes welled up, and as it spilled out and ran down his cheeks, the past tenshi took one final step towards him, closing the gap as he reached to encircle his arms around Kabane’s rigid body.

Kabane was vaguely aware of Kuon closing in on him; he saw the mass of fiery red as Kuon made to bury his head in his chest, but the light throbbed yet again—harder, brighter than ever—and Kabane’s senses began to waver. His knees buckled beneath him, or at least he thought they did, because the next moment, he couldn’t feel his knees at all. The warm glow of the candles in their underground home shifted, and suddenly, all Kabane could see was a deep, blurry fog, and then a white light, too bright and too pristine. He flinched, wanting to raise his hand to shield his eyes, but not finding the physical strength to do so anymore. All he could register was coldness and light, though whether they were coming from his surroundings or from his own body, Kabane could no longer tell.

‘Kuon!’ He tried to call out, but his own voice sounded distorted, ringing in his ears unpleasantly.

‘Kabane?’

‘Kuon… is that you? Where are we… Kuon…’

‘Kabane? Are you still there? Can you still open your eyes?’

There was a sudden touch to his shoulder, and Kabane’s eyes snapped open. He hadn’t realized that they’d been squeezed tightly shut this whole time, and as he gathered the last of the final shards of consciousness he could muster, he managed to register the fact that he was lying on his back. When did he hit the floor?

Kabane suddenly became acutely aware of how cold it was, or how cold _he_ was. The air was humming with a strange echoing noise, and when he squinted, he thought he could vaguely make out stone pillars and statues of holy deities, blurred by the mist shrouding everything as far as he could see. There certainly wasn’t anything cold and echo-like about their underground home, and the floor beneath his back felt almost like ice.

His body was once again emitting soft pulses of light, steady and growing in intensity compared to before when he was still… where was he before? No… but where was he now? Where…

‘Kabane? You’re still awake—I mean, alive?’

That voice. It wasn’t… but it had to be, right?

‘Kuon… You’re here? With me?’

‘Eh?!’

‘Kuon… where are we… Are we… dead? Are we dying?’

‘Kabane, calm down, you’re not dead yet, you’re still in—’

‘Kuon, you’re here to walk the last part of our journey with me… I’m so happy you came…’

‘Kabane, wh-what are you saying? I’m not…’

The voice was familiar. The same melodic, fey voice that could only belong to a tenshi. Or a past tenshi. ‘You’re actually here, Kuon… I thought… you’d left me and gone ahead…’

‘I—ehhh?! Wait, I… umm…’ A few seconds passed, during which only the echoes of their voices could be heard, reverberating eerily in the cold space around them. ‘I mean… yes. Yes. I’m still here, Kabane. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere without you.’

Hearing Kuon’s voice reassuring him was enough for Kabane to relax despite the sudden change in his surroundings. His own senses and ability to speak were leaving his body little by little, yet somehow Kuon sounded steady as ever. There was also a certain innocence in his voice that Kabane didn’t recall hearing from Kuon ever since their eternal journey of existence had begun.

‘Where’s Konoe? Is he…here as well…?’

‘He… uh, h-he went on ahead. Yes. He went first.’

Kabane managed a small laugh. ‘He was that impatient, huh?’

‘It’s okay,’ Kuon continued. ‘He’s free now. And soon, we will be, too.’ A hand reached down from above—how did Kuon still have the strength to remain upright?—and gently pushed Kabane’s hair out of his face. ‘I won’t leave without you. So don’t worry, I’ll be beside you until the end.’

‘… We go together?’

‘Yes. Together.’

‘Even… even after how I… even…’

‘We go together, Kabane. It’s a promise.’

Kabane forced his eyes to remain open, blinking a few times in a feeble attempt to refocus his vision as he angled his head slightly to look at his side.

Everything was still a haze, and strange shapes were shifting in and out of focus all around him, but he could just make out a figure kneeling at his side, a hand gently toying with the stray strands of dark hair falling about his face. Metallic ornaments glittered from his fingers, black robes were fanned out around him, and his golden headpiece sparkled in the white light of the room each time he moved.

‘… Kuon? When did you… put on the tenshi’s robes and headdress again?’

‘The tenshi’s—oh, um… I—’

‘Seeing you dressed like this again reminds me of old times…’ Kabane reached into the very depths of his heart and began slowly pulling out the treasures he had kept hidden there, locked away to avoid being tarnished by the growing darkness of his soul as the years passed them by. ‘The first time we met in Nerve… the anger I felt when I learned that such a frail, small body was being forced to carry such a cruel fate… the look on your face that night when I broke into your room to steal you away…’

Kabane willed the last of his strength to lift a trembling hand, and Kuon caught it with a firm grip, raising it to his face and allowing Kabane to gently rest his cold hand against his cheek. ‘I often asked myself if I’d made the right decision back then… and the pain of eternal existence told me that the answer was no. But… perhaps, in this moment, seeing you happy and at peace… I can convince myself once more that everything was worth it, and that saving you was the best decision I ever made…’

There was a moment’s silence, and finally, Kuon seemed to breathe out a small sigh. ‘I am, Kabane. I’m happy and at peace, and it’s all thanks to you. So thank you, again. You really are my hero.’

 _You really are my hero_ …

It was almost like he could see it again. The night sky stretching beyond them as he finally made sure that he had outrun the Unity Order soldiers and carefully placed Kuon on his feet again. Kuon’s eyes glistening as he wept, hands fumbling to wipe the messy tears rolling down his smiling face. A newfound freedom and a boundless future of hope seemed to shine ahead of them as they held each other under the moonlight. _‘You really are my hero…’_

Kuon’s words seemed to reignite the remaining embers buried deep within Kabane’s heart. ‘Your hero…’ Kabane was smiling, but the tightening sensation he hadn’t realized was forming at the back of his throat finally gave way. The tears came, warm against his cold face, and he felt the warmth spreading to his chest despite the dropping temperature of his frigid body. ‘I’m glad you still think so.’

A sudden desire stirred at the base of Kabane’s heart, and, wanting to respond to it, the last of his consciousness tried to order his body to move accordingly. Yet for some reason, Kabane couldn’t bring himself to reach up and wrap his arms around Kuon. Was his body simply growing so weak that he could no longer move? Or perhaps… was his mind still plagued with the bitter contempt that had accumulated over his long, dismal life?

He wanted it, yet he couldn’t. He craved it, yet his feelings denied him action. As much as he longed to bury himself in Kuon’s warmth and end this long journey together, his arms remained stubbornly pinned to the marble floor, heavy like lead.

All the despair that had tainted his heart throughout time couldn’t have melted away so fast. Kabane knew this, but he really was running out of time.

‘… Kuon? Will you…?’ If he couldn’t bring himself to embrace Kuon, then maybe… ‘I—’

As though in response to his unspoken plea, a pair of sturdy arms reached down and lifted his limp, cold body. Kabane felt himself being gently laid in a warm lap as the same pair of arms wrapped themselves around him, encircling him in a loving embrace as he rested his cheek against Kuon’s chest. It was familiar yet foreign all at once, and he thought he caught a flash of soft green beneath the golden headdress, but at this point, Kabane had long since given up on trusting his senses. He decided to forego all questions and simply lose himself in the moment.

Kabane allowed his eyes to close slowly, vaguely aware that he may never open them again.

‘You… uh, you must have held me like this many times in the past, right? A long, long time ago, that is.’

‘Of course…’ Kabane felt the edges of his lips twitch into a small, wistful smile as he recalled all the times he had held Kuon in his arms. When they were on the run from Nerve, when the tenshi was too afraid to fall asleep while out in the middle of nowhere, the many nights when they had lost themselves in each other’s passion... ‘Enough times to lose count.’

‘Then this time—this last time—it’s my turn to hold you, Kabane.’

‘Until the very end?’

‘Yes, until the very end. I’ll be with you, so please let go, and set yourself free.’

That light, tranquil voice revealed a purity that only Kuon was capable of. So untainted by the torment of eternal existence, it was a purity that Kabane was once sure he possessed, too. But while Kuon kept a firm and certain hold on the light within his heart, Kabane had instead allowed his own to be consumed by regret. He was no more than an empty shell of despair and resentment now, yet the kindness in Kuon’s voice was almost a mirage, an echo of the person he once was.

‘Are you still afraid, Kabane?’ Kuon’s serene voice gently nudged him back to the present. ‘Are you afraid of dying?’

‘Now that you’re here with me, no… not anymore.’ And this time, Kabane was certain that he wasn’t lying.

‘We’re together now, so don’t worry. Let yourself go, and this final moment will become our most beautiful memory of all. Because you are beautiful, Kabane. The world you showed me, the future you gave me, and the hope you shared with me… all of it is beautiful. And you… you will always be the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me.’

Kabane almost opened his eyes again at those words. ‘You think I’m… beautiful?’

‘Yes. Without a doubt in mind.’

It was the first time Kuon described him in such simple and direct terms, as he had always turned to his usual flowery language and convoluted metaphors whenever he sang of his love for his saviour. But if someone as strong and kind as Kuon could still bear to hold the wretched excuse of a human that Kabane had become and perceive him as ‘beautiful’, then perhaps he could grasp the last glimmer of hope in front of him, and make things right before time finally ran out.

‘Kuon?’

‘Hm?’

‘… I’m sorry.’

A brief moment passed in silence before Kuon finally spoke. And when he did, his voice was relaxed—happy, even. ‘I forgive you. And I’m sorry, too. But thank you, Kabane. Meeting you was the greatest blessing of my life, and not even eternal despair can change that.’

If Kabane still had the strength to cry his heart out, he probably would have. But for now, he only allowed a final, single tear to escape the corner of his closed eye. ‘I’m so sorry, Kuon… and thank you…’

There was a slight shuffle, a jangling of metallic ornaments, and Kabane felt a gentle kiss being pressed to his forehead. It was swift and chaste, quite unlike how he remembered those warm lips to be when he had once relished in having them pressed against his own. Perhaps he’d like that now, but he was also sure that it wouldn’t be the same. Nothing really felt exactly the same right now, but Kabane’s heart was warm with the fleeting shadow of the love he once knew, so somehow, this was enough for him.

‘Good night, Kabane.’

Kabane hummed softly in response, and took his final breath.

Eternal rest had been his greatest desire for the past thousand years. Yet as one eternity ended, another dawned upon him. Will time be kinder this time? Will he be stronger this time? Kabane wasn’t sure. But as Kuon’s arms tightened around his body as the light finally consumed him completely, he felt the buds of hope blooming in his heart once more.

Kabane smiled, and set himself free at last. ‘Good night, Kuon.’

**Author's Note:**

> My intention of writing this was to give Kabane the closure he deserved while also retaining the bittersweet feelings we were left with when he never got to see Kuon again in the canon ending. I wanted to give Kabane the chance to say everything he wanted to say to Kuon in the end, but keeping in mind that the two of them never did get to meet again before their deaths. The only person with Kabane during his death was Arme, so the person speaking to Kabane and holding him during the final scene of this fic is actually intended to be Arme, not Kuon. Kuon never makes an actual "present" appearance here.  
> But I think it'd be nice to leave all this up to your interpretation, too! If you saw it as Kuon, or _want _to see it as Kuon, then for you, Kabane got the closure he craved. And if you saw through the hints and recognised that it was actually Arme and are happy with this take, then that's the bittersweet, "regretful" conclusion I originally intended and wanted to communicate. Either interpretation is valid, so make of it what you will. Did Kabane get to speak to Kuon again or was he really just talking to Arme this whole time? Whichever answer you came to or decided on after reading, that is the ending for you :)__


End file.
